


I'm leaving

by leehyukjames (lepetitjames)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Other, sad things about enlistment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 12:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4747013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lepetitjames/pseuds/leehyukjames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The members are leaving him one by one and Ryeowook doesn't want to be alone with his memories in the emptiness of the Super Junior dorms. That, and a bunch of other problems he's facing. Donghae is involved. </p><p>A one shot exploring Ryeowook's feelings related to moving out of the dorm, and enlistment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm leaving

“I’m leaving.”

Ryeowook had debated on exactly how to break the news to Donghae. Not that they hadn't known it was coming.

From the times when all the members stayed together in the dorms, they're left with a total of four: Hyukjae and Kyuhyun in one dorm, and Donghae and him in the other. But Hyukjae and Donghae are enlisting in October and Kyuhyun is going to move out soon. All the other members are long gone. Ryeowook supposes the dorms don't mean as much to them as it meant to him. Maybe he really is too sentimental.

If Ryeowook hadn't made the decision to move in with his parents, he'd be left alone in the dorms. That was one thing he'd never want to face. God, he _hated_ coming home after his schedules to an empty dorm, when it used to be so crowded and so noisy that the neighbours would always complain. Just thinking about having it happen every day filled him with dread.

Ryeowook loves his members. Adores them, even. When they're together he finds himself happier than ever, and he wishes he could be like them. The hyungs take care of him, and they teach him to constantly improve, and of course they pamper him because he’s the “maknae”. Kyuhyun and Henry sometimes feel like his hyungs too, and he's glad they're around. And as for Siwon... well, they've had their differences and they joke about their rocky relationship but he honestly respects him too. The fact that they've all moved on with their lives and he still hasn't is starting to bother him. And there, that's another problem.

Ryeowook doesn't know what's up with him these days, but being overwhelmed would be a good way to describe it. Shindong is gone, Sungmin is gone and Eunhyuk, Siwon and Donghae are going to go soon too. They've always supported him and taken care of him. He wants to soak up all the time he has with them, but also feels like he should keep his distance. He wouldn't want to burden them by being too clingy.

And that was yet another problem. He really had too many problems.

When Ryeowook tells Donghae, he closes his eyes and balls up his fists and tries to change his mind and when he does finally say it the words come out in a rush. "Imovingowodorm", he says, and Donghae understands. Donghae's smile falters for a split second and Ryeowook catches a glimpse of an emotion which he couldn't pinpoint (was it shock? or sadness?) pass his face. But then Donghae smiles wide and says jokingly, "So Ryeowookie had enough of living with me for so long, huh?" So Ryeowook decides that split second never happened, fakes a smile a laugh and pretends to be excited.

Donghae says something else too, but Ryeowook can't make out much. He hears something that could have been "I'm glad you're happy."

Yeah, he is happy. Why on earth shouldn't he be? Everyone will see that he can move on too, just like them.  He could spend more time with his parents and he wouldn't have to cook for anyone. And he could finally get away from the wistfulness and the useless moping and longing for the old days. The members aren't the only ones that make him happy. He needs to get away from it all, to assure himself that he isn't dependent on them. Moving out would be great for him. Of course he was happy.  

But he knows he really isn't. And he doesn't know what's worse: Coming back to an empty dorm and remembering the old Super Junior days and feeling like he's the only one who cares, or not going back at all and pretending that he didn't care either.

Donghae just gives him a hug before he walks away.

Ryeowook has his things packed up and is ready to go, except for one thing. He can't find his phone charger anywhere, and he's looked everywhere, even in the member's old bedrooms. The only place he had left to check was Donghae's room.

He doesn't expect Donghae to be in the room when he opens the door, and he is right. The room is empty, just like all the other rooms, the only difference being that Donghae's still had his things strewn about as proof that he still lived there. Ryeowook finds his charger there, plugged into the power socket next to Donghae's bed, but he doesn't go to take it. If he takes it, it means he has no more reason to stay – in both the room and the dorm. And right now, he's finding solace in this place. Donghae's song-writing book lay open on the bed, and his clothes were stuffed messily into the laundry basket. _He's still here_. And _god_ , that was such a comforting thought. Ryeowook felt like he hadn't been completely abandoned, at least not yet. Closing his eyes and leaning against the wall, he can still hear the members' voices incoherently as they pass each other in the middle of the night, exhausted from their different schedules. If he sits at the corner he can pretend that the members are sitting around him getting ready to play a game. It was weird how just one room held the key to ten years of memories, and it wasn't even as if he didn't usually enter it. He sighs and tells himself to stop being so emotional.

The door opens suddenly, and Donghae walks in to see Ryeowook sitting on the bed. "Hey Ryeowook." Ryeowook starts when he sees Donghae and nearly falls off the bed. "Hyung! I didn't hear you coming in. Sorry, I was just looking for my phone charger." Donghae laughs easily and Ryeowook wishes time would slow down as Donghae pushes the charger into his hands. He doesn't want to leave just yet. But Donghae doesn't say goodbye, he just sits down next to him.

"Sorry Wookie, I broke my charger so I took yours. I would have told you when I took it, but you were out so..." Donghae looks at him apologetically. Ryeowook shakes his head and tells him it’s okay. "Was it urgent?" Donghae asks.

Ryeowook shrugs. "I just wanted to pack it into my luggage. I'm moving out today, remember?" Donghae looks surprised and a little miserable. Then he collects himself and laughs. "Sorry, I forgot," he says with a smile. Then after a while he says, "Couldn't you stay a few days more?" He says it jokingly, but the slight edge of hope and the pleading look in his puppy eyes tells Ryeowook that he's not the only one who doesn't want to leave.

They talk for a bit more before Ryeowook realises he can't hold it off anymore. He gets up unwillingly, charger in hand. "I have to go now. See you soon, hyung." He turns away before Donghae can see that his nose is getting red and his eyes are getting puffy. Donghae says goodbye too, and Ryeowook finds himself back in his room, stuffing the charger into the only available space in his backpack.

When he walks out of the dorm, it is with a sense of finality and a sense of starting over. He's leaving home to go home. He's leaving behind 10 years of memories, and it won't be the same from here on out. But nothing is gone, just different, and he'll adapt to it too.

He waves at Donghae, who is standing at the door to send him off, and silently tells himself not to cry. For the first time he feels like he's come to terms with the thing he'd been trying to keep at bay for so long.

"I'm leaving."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ryeowook cried on Sukira, speaking about how he was sad about moving out of the dorm. I was sad so I wrote a fic. Enjoy! 
> 
> (Special thanks to myechi on tumblr for helping me read through it before I posted!)


End file.
